


This Is Not a Courtship

by sglottalk



Series: Crown Prince Rulf [16]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Alien Swamp, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, F/M, Grey-A, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Post-Canon, Vordarian, double identity, marriage law
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6319909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sglottalk/pseuds/sglottalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young Vordarian woman brings a young Komarran man back with her to Vordarian District to meet her parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Not a Courtship

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place about two months before ["The Fiancée and the Assassin"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6113398?view_full_work=true).

"Hey, Serena! I'm over here!"

Serena Vordarian looked around Vorbarra Sultana East Rail Station, trying to find the source of that voice which was both familiar and unfamiliar. She was failing; there was nobody who looked like the person she had agreed to meet here.

She heard someone say 'Serena' behind her.

She turned around. He was a young man, dressed in a Komarran style tunic, with a thick mustache and an awfully long nose, and he was holding a fan in his left hand.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the man said as he made a flourish with his fan. "I am Sylvester Toscane, and yes, I am related to _those_ Toscanes. I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Serena Vordarian."

Serena figured out why the voice had been unfamiliar at first. She had never heard him speak with a Komarran accent before.

"Like yourself, I am traveling to Vordarian District," Sylvester said. "Would you like to accompany me?"

Did Serena like the idea of traveling with him? No, she decided. She especially did not like the idea of her parents meeting with him. But he had saved her a couple weeks before from her uncle, and he _knew_. Maybe if she did what he wanted, he would not tell anyone. And she owed him something for that rescue.

"It's better than going alone," she said.

Both of them already had train tickets loaded on their credit chits, so they went straight to the train platform.

"Is that a Komarran fan?" she asked.

"No, it's from Orient IV," Sylvester replied. "Many of us Komarran traders like to carry accessories from various corners of the Nexus to demonstrate how well traveled we are. Especially those of us who are not, in fact, well-traveled. I've never left the Imperium myself."

Serena was afraid that she would have to keep on talking to him during the entire train ride, but he was actually just as quiet as she was. She had never spent so much time sitting _right next to him_ before. She had trouble thinking about anything but his presence, so she ended up listening to him breathe in and out most of the time.

She did notice that some people stared at them on the train. Or maybe they were just staring at him.

When they arrived at Weienovya Main Station, Sylvester followed Serena.

"Isn't this the subway station?" Sylvester asked.

"Yes," Serena replied.

"I thought your folks would send a driver to pick you up at the station," Sylvester said.

"They would if I asked," Serena said "but then I would miss this chance to observe the subway system."

"Why do you want to look at the subway system?"

"You remember who my employer is, don't you?"

"You work for the Vorbarra Sultana Metropolitan Transit Agency - ahhhh."

Since it was not rush hour, the subway was not too crowded, and Serena rather liked the rhythm of the car movements, and the repetition of the announcements.

There were definitely some people on the train who were staring at Sylvester, though perhaps it was just because he was twirling that colorful fan around.

"We are now at: Gerad Louis Vorsmythe Great Square" the mechanical voice announced in all four of Barrayar's official languages.

"This is the stop," Serena said.

"I always thought your grandfather had quite an ego to name the most important square in the city after his own grandfather, who hadn't ever even visited Vordarian District. What was its original name?"

"'Count Vidal Vordarian Great Square'. Named after the Pretender's grandfather."

"Oh."

They got out of the subway station.

"My parents won't be ready to see us until dinner time," Serena said. "You can do what you want now, and we can meet back here in two hours."

"Where are you going?" Sylvester asked.

"I want to see some people."

"Friends?"

"Most of them are friendly if you are willing to listen to them."

"Mind if I tag along?"

Serena paused to think. "Okay," she said. "But don't say anything."

***

"I have been trying for weeks to figure out what makes you tick," Sylvester said. "I never imagined that your passion in life is _municipal governance_."

"You knew where I work," Serena replied.

"I thought you just wanted the salary," Sylvester said. "I must said, of all of the boring conversations I've ever heard - and I've heard a lot - those were the most fascinating. What you - or rather, all those government officials and clerks, you hardly spoke - said was of no interest to me whatsoever, yet you really managing to squeeze the juice out of them. And you actually _listened_ to them, which means that you _care_."

"Oh, it was nothing," Serena said. "I was just saying hello to them."

Sylvester raised his eyebrow. "If you can get people to speak at that much length just by saying 'hello', you should consider a career as a professional interrogator."

"No, it's not like that! It's just that they've seen me around since I was a little girl. And I've known most of them a while. And I know what to ask."

"And you report to your parents. And tell them all the little things which people don't want to say to Lord Kolya's face, but are willing to say in the presence of his quiet meek daughter." 

Serena did not comment.

Sylvester whistled. "You must know the political issues of Vordarian district like the back of your hand. No wonder Rebecca wanted to get to know you."

Serena blushed a little.

"Is saying 'hello' to people one of your duties for the Vorbarra Sultana Metro Transit Agency too?"

"Sometimes," Serena admitted.

Sylvester brought his mouth very close to Serena's right ear. She was afraid that he might kiss her, but instead he just whispered "Do your parents know? About your uncle?"

"No," she hissed. "Please don't tell them!"

"Fine. I won't."

Sylvester stretched his arms up. "So, are we going to inspect the subway system again on the way to your parents' home?"

"No, we're going to inspect the taxi service," Serena replied in a manner which put the 'dead' in 'deadpan'.

***

"You told us you were only bringing _one_ guest," said Serena's mother, Charlotte Vorthys Vordarian.

"My apologies," Sylvester said. "I forgot to tell Serena that, even though I am merely a distant relation of the empress, ImpSec still tails me everywhere on Barrayar." Sylvester turned towards Lieutenant Mitros Tamaras, who, having his cover blown, had already put on a uniform with the signature horus-eyes. "He has to watch me anyway, and I figured it would be more convenient for him if he got his own seat at the dinner table. Saves the effort of sneaking about."

"So you are one of _those_ Toscanes," Serena's father, Lord Kolya, said.

"Barely," said Sylvester. "I am heir to no part of the Toscane legacy save entrepreneurial spirit. I am, shall we say, the black sheep of the family."

"You do look like some of the princes..." Charlotte observed.

"Oh, that's cosmetic surgery," Sylvester said with a grin. "It is very useful in my trade sometimes for people to mistake me for being a _close_ relative of the empress."

"I can imagine," said Lord Kolya. "Ah, what is your trade?"

"Mood-altering chemicals," said Sylvester.

Lord Kolya and Charlotte looked at each other and raised their eyebrows.

"Are you some kind of ... psychiatric medicine supplier?" Charlotte asked.

"Oh, it's recreational, not medical in nature," Sylvester replied.

"Well, ah, we..." said a tongue-tied Lord Kolya.

"I assure you that I don't trade in anything nearly as restricted as juba," said Sylvester. "Everything I offer is a substance which may be legally possessed on Barrayar." He did not state whether or not his _sales_ were legal.

"Are you ... licensed?" Lord Kolya asked.

"I only sell limited quantities to a limited set of clients - a very boutique service," replied Sylvester. "I fall below the minimums for all of the licensing requirements. To be honest, my clients do not pay me so much for the physical substances themselves, as for my expert opinions on which chemicals and which combinations will satisfy them the best. Like a bartender who knows just the right cocktail for each patron."

"Hmmmm..." said Lord Kolya.

"Look, I know these guys," Sylvester poked Lieutenant Tamaras "are going to watch my every move. Do you think I'm stupid enough to break the law when I'm under ImpSec surveillance?"

"I suppose not," said Lord Kolya. Both Kolya and Charlotte were clearly startled that Sylvester had so casually _poked an ImpSec agent_.

"Poking ImpSec agents is not against the law," Sylvester commented, as he patted Lieutenant Tamaras on the head with his fan. Lieutenant Tamaras put on a very stiff poker face.

"Do you do a lot of business in our district?" Charlotte asked.

"Your district is the best!" said Sylvester. "Lots of stressed-out _nouveaux riches_ types, and not nearly as much competition as Vorbarra Sultana. And the relative lack of prejudice against Komarrans is nice too."

Lord Kolya noticed that Serena had hardly said a word. "Serena, how did you and Sylvester meet?"

"I met him when I visited the Imperial Residence," Serena answered.

"Visiting privileges are extended to all members of the family, even someone like myself who is, uh, in disgrace," Sylvester rapidly said. "Don't take this to mean that I am _personally_ acquainted with the imperial family." Sylvester leaned in. "Though, considering how much I hear about the princes and princesses through the family grapevine, I do feel I know much about them."

"Oh," said Charlotte. "And what do you make of Crown Prince Rulf?"

"He's a walking disaster," said Sylvester. "Not one of my clients by the way - I would never take on anyone so _unstable_."

Lieutenant Tamaras maintained his poker face.

"And the others?" asked Kolya.

"Let's see ... nobody knows where the hell Prince Negri is, my guess is that he's scrubbing lichen on Jackson's Whole, though I suppose it's also possible that he joined a chaste brotherhood on Athos..."

"Athos is not known for, ah, chastity," Charlotte said.

"Only because the Nexus is infested with people who always have sex on their minds," Sylvester replied. "And that is why it would be even more shocking if Negri joined a chaste brotherhood than if he ran off with an Athosian lover. Trust me, I know from personal experience. Where did I leave off? Oh yes, Princess Rebecca has let K-dramas rot her brain out..."

"What are 'K-dramas'?" Charlotte asked.

"Komarran vid dramas," Sylvester explained. "They are far more addictive and dangerous for one's sanity than anything I sell, by the way. Prince Largon is itching so badly to become a war hero he may just follow his grandfather's footsteps and get blown up in battle. Prince Padma is not a snake - by that I mean that snakes are marvelous and simple creatures, and Padma is neither marvelous nor simple. And Princess Elena lives in some kind of artsy-fartsy bubble."

"Those are some ... interesting opinions about the imperial family," Charlotte said.

"I refuse to have boring opinions about anything," Sylvester replied. "Life is too short."

"And what kind of relationship do you two have?" Kolya asked, trying to bring his daughter back into the conversation.

"We sometimes hang out together," Sylvester replied.

"By hanging out, do you mean ... _dating_?" Kolya asked.

"No," said Serena.

Sylvester chuckled. "Lord Kolya, I'm not going to have _that_ kind of relationship with you daughter. Or anyone else. I'm aromantic."

"I don't find anything disagreeable with your cologne..." Kolya said.

"I said aroMANtic, not aroMAtic," Sylvester replied.

Kolya and Charlotte looked at each other. "Is that a Komarran word?" Charlotte asked.

Sylvester laughed very hard.

"Lady," Sylvester said in between his lingering chuckles, "you obviously have not seen any K-dramas."

"So, what do you mean?" Kolya asked.

"What I am saying is that romance is something I don't do," Sylvester replied. "It's not any kind of philosophical stance, you understand, I just don't have those kinds of feelings. I don't have crushes. I don't fall in love."

One could tell by looking at Charlotte and Kolya's lips that words kept on forming in their mouths, yet never escaped into the air. Sylvester clearly enjoyed watching them.

Serena tried to think if she had ever had 'romantic' feelings. She was not sure if she had ever had a 'crush' on anybody. Things were definitely getting awkward in the Vorthys household. Her grandmother had gone from encouraging her to 'meet some people her age' and 'get over her shyness' to asking her if there were any 'cute' boys in her university classes to telling her that studying and working were important, but not so important that she should 'sacrifice' her love life over them.

"So you don't intend to become Serena's boyfriend?" Kolya finally asked.

"Correct," Sylvester replied.

Serena felt a surge of relief. Since he had been trying to spend so much time with her, of course she had been worried that he did, in fact, want that kind of relationship with her. She had been thinking about the best way to refuse him, but since he had not made any clear advances on her, she had not had a chance to reject them yet. If he was telling the truth, then he never was going to make any such advance, which made things much easier for her.

Charlotte must have picked up on her daughter's feelings, since she said "It seems that Serena is also happy to not be your girlfriend."

"I'm not interested in dating," Serena confirmed.

"Well, now that we know what your relationship is not," Kolya said with a sigh, "what _is_ your interest in each other?"

"I don't get your daughter," Sylvester said plainly. "She's weird."

Charlotte and Kolya were not sure how to respond to that.

"That is not an insult, you've already figured out that I'm pretty weird myself."

"People from another culture often do seem to be weird," Charlotte observed.

"Pfffftttt," Sylvester replied. "I'm weird among _Komarrans_. And I know that Serena here is also weird among you Barrayarans. There are things which would make most Barrayaran girls upset, angry, break down in tears, excited, something, within fifteen minutes, yet those things don't seem to move your Serena _at all_. And I also couldn't figure out what delights her either - she's reads a lot of books, but she doesn't devour them like my sister who would rather read books than eat dinner. Yet I never got the sense that she's apathetic, she has some kind of purpose, I just couldn't see what." He finally addressed Serena directly. "It's only today that I realized that _municipal governance_ is your thing."

"So you are interested in Serena because she is mysterious?" Kolya asked.

"Yeah, you could say that," Sylvester replied.

"And what about you? What do you see in him?" Charlotte asked Serena.

"It's sometimes nice to be with another person," Serena replied.

They continued to talk into the evening - well, Sylvester Toscane did most of the talking. Though Kolya and Charlotte offered Sylvester and Lieutenant Tamaras rooms for the night, they chose to go to the hotel where they had booked reservations instead.

***

Serena spent the next day with her parents; Sylvester spent it with his clients.

The following day, Serena offered him a tour of the city. The problem is that, compared to Vorbarra Sultana, Weienovya had little of historical or cultural interest (not that Sylvester was interested in culture or local history anyway). 

Serena ended up taking him to a piece of land on the outskirts of the city which had resisted all attempts at terraforming, including the Cetagandans' attempts. Some local people still referred to it as 'the Devil's Swamp'. However, ever since a set of safe and transparent tunnels had been constructed through it, and it had been renamed the 'Vidal Vordarian Memorial Wetlands' it had become Weienovya's top tourist attraction.

All visitors were required to take a breath mask with them, in case a breach were to allow the toxic gases of the wetlands to enter the tunnels. Sylvester made some very critical comments about the condition of the breath masks, and persuaded the man at the registration desk to give him some extra tubing.

"Komarrans," the man muttered under his breath.

Once they were near the entrance to the tunnels, Serena asked "Do you think the breath masks are that bad?"

"On Komarr, these toy masks would be _embarrassing_ , but I reckon they are safe enough. The real reason I got the tubing was so we could have a private conversation. If that's what you want."

"What?" asked Serena.

"I can use this tubing to connect our masks in such a way that we can talk to each other, but nobody else can hear us." Sylvester gestured towards Lieutenant Tamaras, who was in civilian dress. "Not even our spook."

"Is that allowed?" Serena asked.

"They are under orders to know where I am, what I am doing, and to see to it that I do not come to any grave harm. They have not been ordered to listen to every single word I say. Apparently, they don't think I am going to be organizing any grand conspiracies to become the sole heir of the Toscane fortune. But if you don't want to have a private conversation, I won't bother."

"It's ... it's alright if we have a private conversation," Serena said.

Sylvester spent a few minutes connecting the two breath masks. "This would be a lot harder to do with real Komarran breath masks," he observed.

They entered the main tunnel. Even though the lights indicated that the air was entirely safe to breathe, they put on the masks anyway. They were not the only ones - apparently a lot of visitors put on the masks because they thought it was exciting.

Some of the other visitors were staring at them. Sylvester did not have his fan out, so Serena thought it must be the connected breath masks.

Serena was awkwardly aware that the air she was breathing in was recirculated from Sylvester's mask, and vice versa. Not that it was a health hazard - Sylvester had seen to it that both of their masks had full and fresh reserves - it was just that she felt his presence in her breath. She wondered if he felt her in his breath.

"What do you want to talk about?" Serena asked.

"I'm actually curious if there is anything _you_ want to bring up," Sylvester said.

They walked for a few minutes, gazing at the many colorful and bizarre lifeforms which inhabited the wetlands. Some of them were unlike anything Serena had ever seen outside of 'the Devil's Swamp'. Even Sylvester was interested in watching them.

"How do you know you're aromantic?" Serena suddenly asked.

"The real question is, how do I know that most people are _not_ aromantic?" Sylvester replied. "For the longest time, I thought anyone who professed to being in love was being silly. It blew my mind when I finally realized that most people sincerely feel that way."

"Can aromantic people marry?" Serena asked.

"Why not?" Sylvester replied. "There's no law that says that marriage requires romance. Even today, there's still a lot of unromantic marriages out there. Though there are consummation laws which makes nonsexual marriages ... well, I like to think of it as having the option of a speedy annulment or divorce."

"So aromantic people also lack interest in sex?" Serena asked.

"Not at all. Though many aromantic people are also asexual."

"And ... are you?"

"Nope, I'm not asexual" Sylvester replied.

 _Of course_ , Serena thought. It was too much to hope that Sylvester might be safe after all. Maybe he still wanted _that_ from her.

"I might be willing to marry some day," Sylvester said. "Though she would have to be lesbian, asexual, or grey."

"Pardon," Serena said. Marrying a lesbian did not make much sense to her, nor did marrying an asexual, and she did not even know what 'grey' meant in this context.

"That's right," Sylvester said. "I did not mention that I'm greysexual, did I?"

Serena did not know what to say to that.

"Greyness is a lot harder than being aro, you know?" Sylvester continued. "I - rarely - am sexually attracted to other people. That means I'm not asexual. But nobody believes that a young man of my social rank could be anything but a horndog. I didn't believe it myself. So I kept looking for that magic something which would turn me on more than a few times a year. And whenever I had good sex, I'd wondered if I had finally found it. But I hadn't. It was stupidly frustrating. 

"I am sick of sex I have no desire for. I'd rather be celibate for the rest of my life than have sex _just_ to satisfy someone else ever again. The only kind of wife I'd trust not to bother me is a wife who isn't interested in men that way. Well, I might trust a greysexual wife, even if she is sometimes attracted to men. She might understand. 

"You know, I did once propose marriage to your cousin Helen Natalia Vorkosigan."

Serena was surprised to hear that.

"I mainly did it to piss her off - I knew she'd say no. But she is at least a lesbian."

"I did not know that," Serena said.

"That's because you aren't really involved in high Vor social life," Sylvester replied. "She does not admit it publicly, but it's not really a secret. And her, ah, _stormy_ relationships aren't secrets either. I would be half-tempted to marry her just to get a front-row seat for all of the drama."

Serena wondered what her cousin Helen was going to do. Though the length of time a young Vor woman could remain unmarried was longer than it had been in previous generations, Vor women were still socially required to marry well before middle-age. Serena had heard that same-sex marriage had been legalized on Sergyar to make it more appealing to potential immigrants, but it still was not permitted on Barrayar itself. Perhaps Helen would one day move to Sergyar.

And she did not know what to make of his admission of his sexual orientation. Hearing that he might be okay with celibacy got her hopes up but, as he said, he was not asexual. He could start desiring _her_ that way at any time.

For that matter, she had never desired anyone _that_ way herself, had she?

And she was a Vor woman too. Which meant she was going to marry some day. There were those consummation laws. And though there was also a law against marital rape, Serena knew that on the very rare occasion a charge of marital rape made its way to the courts in Vordarian district, the case would get tossed out almost immediately. She did not think it was much different elsewhere on Barrayar. And aside from the legalities, a proper Vor woman was expected to submit. Which meant that when she did marry...

She did not want to think about that right now.

"You seem awfully interested in this," Sylvester remarked.

"I've never heard anyone talk about this before," Serena replied.

"Is your interest in any way _personal_?" Sylvester asked.

Serena did not respond.

***

After the visit to the 'Vidal Vordarian Memorial Wetlands' Serena took Sylvester to one of the traditional open-air markets. They walked together among the food stalls, collecting snacks.

A number of people were staring at them, and Sylvester did not have a fan or breath mask out. Perhaps they recognized Serena as Lord Kolya's daughter? But she had been to this market many times, and most people did not know her by face.

"Have you been to Komarr?" Serena asked.

"That's a very silly question to ask a _Komarran_ , don't you think?" Sylvester replied. "I've been to Komarr many times. Even the 'strictly family' visits were highly choreographed. I have learned a hell of a lot more by being a Komarran on Barrayar than I ever did by being a Barrayaran on Komarr."

"So how did you start, ah, going around as Sylvester?" Serena asked.

"It was actually my father's idea," Sylvester replied. "He told us that he thought it would be good for us if we all got a chance to experience life as someone else, and offered to provide sufficient documentation for a cover identity. I think he wishes _he_ could run around incognito, and wants to live his fantasy vicariously through us. I went out as Sylvester for the first time when I was fourteen. At the time, my father had _no idea_ what my career was going to be. I dare him to vicariously live _this_ life."

"Don't you dare put your filthy Komarran hands on her!" a man shouted. A group of men rushed towards them, but before they could touch Sylvester, Lieutenant Tamaras, who was still in civilian dress, and two other men, who probably were also ImpSec agents, stopped the potential assailants.

This drew the attention of the municipal guards stationed at the market. Lieutenant Tamaras flashed something at them, and then the municipal guards solemnly rounded up the troublemakers.

"And here I was thinking that Weienovya was one of the few places on Barrayar a Komarran man could go out in public with a Barrayaran woman without inviting violence," Sylvester remarked. "How disappointing."

"You think they attacked you because you're Komarran?" Serena asked.

"Of course. Though I am generally careful enough not to go out with local women. I have to be. The Toscane name offers some protection, but any Komarran trying to run a small business on Barrayar has to watch out."

"I know that some Komarrans have run into serious trouble in our district." Serena said. "I'm so sorry. I never even thought about what it must be like to be them."

"Most Barrayarans don't," Sylvester replied. "And your district is one of the best, for us Komarrans. There are many parts of Barrayar where I would not dare do business in this guise, even with ImpSec watching my back."

"Do your parents know?" Serena asked.

"Of course they know!" Sylvester answered. "Mother wants to encourage me to identify with my Komarran heritage. She wants me to be proud of Komarr. She does not dare suggest that I should hide or be ashamed of being Komarran. At the same time, she does not want me to be attacked by random strangers. She will never tell me not to go out in public as a Komarran, but she also wishes I would not because it's dangerous. And she hates that she wishes that I would not go out as a Komarran.

"My father, quite frankly, hoped that Komarran integration would work out much better than it has so far. I wonder if being in love made him uncharacteristically optimistic back then. Though things would almost certainly be worse without a Komarran empress. And, as his own son, I am a very _personal_ reminder of the failure of Komarran integration."

"And what about you? Does it bother you?" Serena asked.

"Well, it's annoying to have random strangers try to harass, cheat, and hurt me, that's for sure. But being a Toscane is still safer than being a Vorbarra. Much safer."

***

Serena and Sylvester were back in Vorbarra Sultana East Rail Station.

"I'm curious how you change back," Serena said.

"Then let me show you." They went to a quiet corner of the station, and Sylvester made a quiet hand signal to Lieutenant Tamaras.

Sylvester ripped off his mustache. Then he ripped off his nose. He pulled out an unusual towel and wiped his face.

"Do you recognize me now?" he asked. 

For the first time in days, he spoke in a High Vor accent. Serena clearly recognized the face of Crown Prince Rulf Vorbarra.


End file.
